It really bugs me when people say that men should like feminism because patriarchy hurts men too. That’s true, and other kinds of oppressions hurt me too, and everyone would be better off if we’d all stop oppressing everyone, but it pisses me off that some men have to be persuaded to give a shit about women’s rights by offering them the bait of not having to worry about seeming “gay” or getting the shaft in a custody trial. Those things are horrible and should change, but is it so hard to just be against injustice because it’s unjust, even if it’s not all unjust towards you? Ditto when people have to resort to “what if it was your mother/sister/daughter/best female friend?” Now that it affects you personally, do you care? Good, you selfish asshole. Now try to generalize that to people you don’t know, because they feel suffering just as acutely as you and your loved ones.
This goes for all oppressions, but I’ve seen it most with sexism. I guess “what if it was your Black Friend(tm)?” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. I personally think that there will be no sexual equality until gay is no longer an insult, but that is NOT my primary reason for opposing homophobia.
In the end, I don’t know if the result is much different, and maybe for some particularly small-souled people it’s a necessary step to get them in the fight, which is why I call this “just” a pet peeve. But I can’t help finding it really obnoxious.
Edit: and then there are the people who don’t get it even when it DOES affect them personally: http://www.feministing.com/archives/011596.html#comments