Girly Thoughts

April 4, 2008

Note to self: read this when I get married/move in with someone

Filed under: Gender,supermom — judgesnineteen @ 4:45 pm

Bitch PhD’s radical married feminist manifesto

I don’t want to have to be supermom, you know?  But if all goes according to plan, I’ll be a bitch PhD too.  I’ve been wondering for a long time how to get a partner to do his share of the housework, because other things can be fixed, but that’s a day to day kind of thing, and they might say they’ll help at first, but you hear way too many stories from married feminists saying they do all the housework no matter what they try.  But I do kind of like the idea of just doing it, but narrating it so that he knows how much more you’re doing than he is.  If that doesn’t make him want to pitch in, he’s probably not somebody I want to be with.

I’m not really explaining the background on this very well (at all?) but that’s because I know I need to be doing something else and I just want to save the link for myself.  Maybe someday I’ll go into it.



  1. See, I feel as if a large part of how much housework your partner will do depends on the person. My boyfriend and I share housework responsibilities well. Not because we had any extended dialog about the issue, but because we both respect each other enough to know that we need to help (what we do depends on our schedules, but neither of us has ever ended up doing the majority of the work). If the guy at least is a good person to begin with, and he falls into the habit of not helping that much, at least you’ll be much more likely to be able to talk to him about it and make progress when you do. If he’s a lousy guy to begin with, I doubt you’ll have much luck.

    Just some thoughts. I don’t claim to be anything near a relationship expert.

    Comment by Amelia — April 5, 2008 @ 12:03 am | Reply

  2. Amelia has it right. I’ve been married for almost a year now (and we lived together for a year before getting hitched), and we haven’t had to quibble much about chores. We just respect each other enough that we don’t want the other to feel put-upon.

    (I didn’t just jinx it all, did I?)

    Comment by pobre habladora — April 10, 2008 @ 2:49 pm | Reply

  3. Yay, you two are making me optimistic.

    Comment by judgesnineteen — April 10, 2008 @ 6:41 pm | Reply

  4. lest I get overly optimistic.

    (Mainly I just like to keep articles that I might want to refer back to handily linked to on my blog.)

    Comment by judgesnineteen — April 11, 2008 @ 9:54 pm | Reply


    Since the link didn’t show up.

    Comment by judgesnineteen — April 11, 2008 @ 9:54 pm | Reply

  6. It all really depends on the individuals – I always wonder how I can get my wife to do more of the housework – I do most of it and when I am too busy to get it done, the dishes and laundry really start to pile up. Until I get to it. This is true even now, as I’m working and she’s at home for a few months (with a new baby). She’s home all day, I go to work all day, and then I do housework when I get home as she hasn’t really done anything with it during the day (except take care of the baby, which is of course important). When I stayed home with our first child (for six months when I studied for the bar exam) and she went back to work after a few months, I took care of the child AND I did the housework – so obviously, YMMV. (The moral of the story is, if ever one of us stays home full time, it will have to be me – not just because she makes twice as much money as I do, but because the housework would never ever get done if she were the one staying home and I was working and didn’t have time to keep up with it).

    Comment by Disgusted Beyond Belief — April 16, 2008 @ 3:12 pm | Reply

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